One of those seasons...

First off, I want to apologize for the three-week break I took from this blog. I didn't mean for it to be so long--I took a sick day and then I took a holiday and now I am still trying to recover from all the moving madness and the sickness that took out all three of us for ten days (one word: miserable). Now we are trying to get settled in to our new house and I am, well, struggling.

If there is one thing I try to be on this blog, it is genuine. I won't tell you my child is a perfect sleeper if she still wakes up during the night. I won't pretend I married the perfect man because he and I both know he has his faults. I won't act like I know everything and make the best choices all of the time, because I don't. I won't write things just to get your pity or your compliments or your attention. If anything has come across that way, you can bet that's not how I meant for it to sound. I simply want to share my experiences and my thoughts and hope it can help someone else along the way.

I love Christmastime. Usually. I look forward to it all year. And yet, along with this season comes another--winter. And winter usually means I get the "blues" in some form or another. It started when I was nine and my family moved to a place completely foreign to me (yes, I got culture shock moving from Cache Valley to Davis County). I started getting anxiety attacks. I was in despair. Luckily I was able to pull mostly out of it by the time I was twelve and my family moved back to Cache Valley, but every year since then, when winter sets in, so do my sour moods, and it becomes harder and harder to keep myself going every day.

Compound that with the loneliness that comes with being in a new place and at home all day with only an onery toddler (who is also lonely), and, well, as I said before, I'm struggling.

Here's something to hold on to, though. It is something I have been telling myself for the past two or three months as we've been working on finding the right home and then getting all moved and getting Scott into graduate school and figuring out where our family is meant to go from here.

Blessings take work.

Even the small ones.

If I want a friend, I have to put the effort out there to find one.
If I want my house to look nice, I have to start working on that mile-long list of projects.
If I want my daughter to be happier, I need to spend the time with her just playing and I need to give her opportunities to succeed also (and succeed at more than just coloring all over our new refrigerator--Thanks Mr. Clean for your awesome Magic Erasers!).
If I want my husband to rise above the challenges facing him, I have to give him unwavering support.
If I want to be a better person and let go of the things holding me back from being the person I really want to be, I have to learn to let go.

Have you ever noticed that the best things in life take a lot of effort? And time? Planning a wedding. Growing a baby. Serving a mission. Getting back to good health. Cultivating relationships. Succeeding in the workplace. Achieving a goal. Christmas celebrations...

At this time of year, it is hard to consider adding more tasks to an already long list (because no matter how simple you try to keep Christmas, it still takes a lot out of you!), but sometimes it is worth it.

A few days ago, I found this list on a blog that I follow. It is President Howard W. Hunter's list of the most important kind of Christmas gifts to offer this season. The things he lists are not easy. Some are very difficult. But oh! what a beautiful holiday if we could have these things be part of it!

This Christmas, 

mend a quarrel. 

Seek out a forgotten friend. 

Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. 

Write a letter. 

Give a soft answer. 

Encourage youth. 

Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. 

Keep a promise. 

Forgo a grudge. 

Forgive an enemy. 

Apologize. 

Try to understand. 

Examine your demands on others.

Think first of someone else. 

Be kind. 

Be gentle. 

Laugh a little more. 

Express your gratitude.

Welcome a stranger. 

Gladden the heart of a child. 

Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. 

Speak your love and then speak it again.

 

Christmas is a celebration, and there is no celebration that compares with the realization of its true meaning—with the sudden stirring of the heart that has extended itself unselfishly in the things that matter most. 

I have realized over the past few days that there is a reason that Christmas comes in the middle of winter and not at the beginning of spring (when Christ's birthday really happened). It seems to me that we need Christmas more in December when the days are long and dark than we do in April when everything seems to be sunshine and new growth. We need the reminder now that there is a light--a star--in all that darkness that tries to pull us down. We need to know that ultimately, when nothing else seems to work, Christ is the answer. His atonement can heal any wound, forgive any sin, and give peace to those, who like me, may be floundering. Yes, sometimes extra help may be needed in the form of medication or therapy or a change of pace--but when you allow Christ to be part of your healing process, the healing happens in a miraculous way to a miraculous degree. He can do things we can't. He can understand things that we won't. He can, and does, suffer with us.

He offers the "great joy" we may be missing.