Seasons of Change

Perhaps writing this is a bit premature, but the weather outside seems to reflect my mood. The sun is shining but it feels almost out of place--we are in the middle of February, right? Where did this spring weather come from? What is it going to mean later on, since we've had less snow this winter than I saw in both of my winters in Texas?

It is like mother nature is whispering to me that it is time for a change, and that I need to embrace the new things coming.

Before you get ahead of yourself, let me clear this up right now: nope. Not pregnant.

In the past two weeks I've had to do a lot of cleaning out, cleaning up, and moving on. It came to my attention when we took Sly into the doctor for his first-ever high fever that he was only half a pound away from the weight max on his infant carseat. Half a pound, people. He's not even six months old! That began a new quest to find the right car seat for him and for his sister, who has needed a new one for a while. We found the right one...which was also the most expensive, so we made ourselves feel better by saying that you can't put a price on your child's life. And, that these were carseats that would grow with them, until they no longer needed a car seat.

After the car seat thing was resolved, I realized that Sly was also outgrowing most of the clothes in his drawer. So, one afternoon, I sat him on a quilt in his room (yes, sat, as he mastered that skill a few weeks ago!) and cleaned out all of his dresser drawers, filling a box full of infant hats and socks and bibs that won't fit around his Burningham neck anymore. Then I put away the six-month size stragglers and most of the nine-month size clothing, keeping every possible onesie that still sort of fits in the drawer just to make myself feel better. And I pulled out the 12-18 month clothes, some of which are already a little snug, with a sigh and a few tears.

A few days later, it was Kevin's turn. Her drawers are almost empty now, and I feel slightly less guilty for picking up items of clothing here and there for her over the past couple of months. All of the 2T clothes met their storage fate, as did most of the 3Ts because this girl is just so tall. And, as if it weren't hard enough to acknowledge her graduation from toddler to preschooler (signed her up for next fall this morning!), the whole experience played to a soundtrack of her chattering about how she is "getting big! Brother is getting big! My babies getting big. We all getting big togeder!"

So last weekend, Scott and I moved a bag of too-small little girl clothes, the nursing pillow (which, granted, wasn't used much for nursing but did help Sly learn to sit on his own), the playmat, and the infant car seat downstairs and I just wanted to slam on the brakes.

2015 was supposed to be our quiet year. The year we felt settled, finally. I knew going in that life never works out that way. All of December I dreaded the start of the new year because I was afraid of what it could bring. The past few years have all had not-so-fun surprises, and I was just getting used to life as we knew it.

Five days in, Scott emailed me a job posting. He wasn't looking to leave his current job, but this one was just...perfect. Right location, right salary, right benefits, right career for him. I tried to rebel and say "no way!" but as I read through the posting, I had an unmistakable feeling of peace, calm, and rightness. So I surprised myself by encouraging him to apply. We went two weeks without hearing anything, and then he got a phone call and had an interview scheduled for ten days later. Four and a half hours of interviews later, and we are waiting to hear, still not 100% sure if a change is right but willing ourselves to embrace it all the same, if it is offered to us.

I am getting used to the idea that change is permanent. My children are going to be different little people every day they wake up. I can never get too comfortable because as soon as I do, someone shakes up the snowglobe (good bye Relief Society, hello Primary. EEK!). And, just like the weather, I'm not sure that I want to go back to the way things were. I am ready for spring and something new.