A Mom of Just One

I should be in the shower right now. I should be making the bed, doing the dishes, or folding that last load of laundry that I finally got through yesterday (laundry day this week was Monday, people). Instead, I am taking advantage of my daughter sleeping in by doing my morning routine of thoroughly checking out my email, pinterest, facebook, and blogger dashboard before I start into the meat of my day.

This morning I read this article written by a mom of five to mothers of one and two children. She had some good things to say. They rang with me.  A lot.

I have only one child at the moment, with no immediate plans to add another anytime soon. Sometimes--okay, all the time--I look at the moms around me who have two, three, four, five, and sometimes six children and I think that since I only have one, I should be able to be doing more. If they can handle it all with multiple children, shouldn't I be able to have a handle on life since I only have one?

I should be able to spend more time cleaning our house--after all, I stay home all day, so why isn't our home pristine and put-together all the time? 

I should be able to make more dinners in a week, but inevitably there is always that one night (not our planned date night out) where Scott comes home, I am a wreck, and all it takes is one look and he rushes his girls out the door to find dinner elsewhere. 

I should be able to stay on top of the laundry--there are only three of us, after all. But I just can't. I've tried lots of different methods: a dedicated laundry day, doing one load a day, doing loads whenever they are needed. It doesn't really matter how much I get done, there is always a pile of unfolded clean laundry next to a pile of my husband's dirty work clothes and my daughter's spilled-on, spotted playclothes. 

I should be able to provide my daughter with planned, meaningful learning activities. You know that picture on Pinterest with the toddler and the muffin tin filled with whip cream dyed different colors? That one gets me every time, because I know my daughter would LOVE to get her hands on some edible colored painting goodness, but that still isn't enough motivation for me to deal with the inevitable mess afterward. So instead we read two or three books a day, I sing her all the preschool songs I can remember when I do remember, and I count things out loud. I told myself, "When she is 18 months old, I will start having learning time with her every day." I had a whole plan in my head, themed weeks studying shapes and colors and letters. And then I realized, we are only a month away from that, and all the moms I've seen that do weeks like that on their mommy blogs just seem to good to be true and make me feel like I am a horrible mother because our days aren't perfectly coordinated and planned. As mentioned in the article referenced above, I am one of those "wing it" mothers because my child has fought the injustice of a set, rigid schedule since she was in the womb (not kidding). 

I learned a long time ago that just because I'm a stay-at-home Mom doesn't mean I will be able to keep up with everything, regardless of what I feel I should be able to accomplish. Because there are days like yesterday, when I have a list and a plan of how to get everything clean and organized and at some point my daughter reminds me that she has to fit in that plan somewhere, and taking time to cuddle and laugh and read stories and have arguments over whether or not she should take a nap all take time too. 

Sometimes, as we play together in the afternoons, I remind myself that someday she won't be my only child. The thought is bittersweet--I know that the best present I could ever give my daughter is a sibling (whether she thinks so at first or not). I love my siblings and my life would feel empty without even one of them. I can't imagine it.  But I also know that once those siblings do come along, her life--and our precious one-on-one time together--will change. I won't always be able to drop whatever I am doing just to sit down and read a book with her when she brings me one. I won't always be the first person she wants to play with when she wakes up. I won't always be her best friend. Someday, I hope, she will look to her siblings to be her playmates and her best friends. 

But for now, there is me. There are empty cupboards, overflowing hampers, spotted bathroom mirrors and unstructured days and all the precious moments that come along with being a first-time mom. I don't want to miss those moments. I don't want to miss this time when we are a family of "just" three waiting for something more. I want to stop apologizing to myself and others for the fact that I'm just not ready to have another baby yet.

I am a Mother of Just One. 

I love it.