Dear Daughter,
Today, you are oblivious. You don't know that there are marches taking place all across our country--all across the world, actually. I haven't been able to tell if these are protests or rallies. There is a difference. If these women are marching for something, then I hope you know I would join them. However, if all they are doing is marching against the things they see wrong with our world, then, you know, I'm happy that I chose to spend my day as I did.
Your brother woke me up early. Daddy and I took one hour shifts from about 6 am to 9:30 am, alternately playing with you and feeding you and catching a few extra Zzz's (we can't seem to get enough these days). Daddy took you to run some errands while I played with your little brother in between cleaning out closets, doing laundry, and picking up the millions of toys that seem to be scattered everywhere. This was followed by lunch and your parents cutting holes in a huge cardboard box to entertain you and your brother while we lounged and watched basketball (or, in my case, read a book).
We haven't had a day this quiet in months. It occurred to me, as I was painting your little nails pink and we were waiting for cookies to come out of the oven, that if I were going to fight for something, this is what I would fight for. The right for us to be a family, to have a peaceful day, to know that we are where we want to be, doing what we want to be doing.
I can't really tell, but I think--I think-- that is what the women who are "marching" with their posters and signs and flags are trying to fight for. That is what I hope anyway.
You don't know, but I watch. I watch what goes on outside of our home. I keep up on the news. I don't say much, but I do have opinions. I hope you know that. I would like to consider myself a feminist, but I feel that word has gotten so skewed that it isn't really about being feminine at all anymore.
Lately, you've struggled with wondering why sometimes your brother gets different things than you, like why he gets to sit on my lap or has an extra snack while you are in preschool. To you, equality means everyone gets the same things. The women marching today want that too. The want everyone to get exactly the same thing. As your father and I have tried to explain to you, that just isn't how life works. Things that you see as unfair, like your brother getting an extra bath or cuddle, aren't really unfair at all. He would love to have his fingernails painted, but that isn't going to happen for him. Your father and I want your needs to be taken care of equally--and rarely will that mean you both get the exact same things.
People today often confuse "Equal Rights" with "Civil Rights." They aren't the same thing at all. You have a civil right to be fed, clothed, and sheltered. So does your brother. But he wouldn't want to wear pink tutus all day, and you could care less about having a soccer ball on your shirt. Life doesn't always have to be equal to be fair.
In your lifetime, you will see real inequality. I hope not, but chances are you will experience inequality. What I want you to remember, however, is that equal isn't always fair. I hope that I can teach you to give what you can, whether that be your time, your money, or your talents, to help those that need your help. I hope I can teach you to fight for what you believe in. I pray daily that I won't break your strong spirit--and that your strong spirit won't break me.
There are so many wonderful things about being feminine. Sparkly skirts, lip gloss, and tiaras make life magical for you now, but sweetheart, that's just the beginning. There is so much more to being a woman than what you see on TV.
There is strength, but also tenderness.
There is determination, but also compassion.
There is nurturing, loving, serving, empathizing.
You are more than a paycheck, and so am I. That's why I'm okay with not having one. The world might not see a whole lot of worth in me--considering I make nothing, I have no titles or accolates, and most life insurance companies won't give me a policy--but I KNOW and I hope you know, that I am priceless. My career is the one I choose, and I choose to be with you. I don't always enjoy it, but I do always love you.
You remind me almost hourly that our baby is making me bigger. My first instinct is to be hurt or mad, but then I remember the fact that my body is growing a human being, and I just smile and nod. I am getting bigger, and caring for a baby (unborn or born) is the most feminine thing a woman can do, and something I certainly hope you get the opportunity to experience.
My little love, I hope you are always proud to be a woman, but I hope you are proud in the right ways. You don't need to be marching on capitol hill. You can be proud to be a woman as you sneak another cookie and wipe another runny nose. You don't have to prove anything to anyone--just prove your worth to yourself and you will find the peace and happiness that others are screaming for.
All my love,
Mommy
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