Bend Backwards

I am 35 weeks pregnant and have reverted back to the state of a toddler.

I am prone to giving strangers crusty looks and wanting to answer "no" to every question.

I am hungry all the time but have no idea what I want to eat. I also get mad when I can't just have cold cereal, candy, or ice cream for dinner.

Patience is not my thing.

Sleeping is something I crave and fight at the same time. I can't make it through the night. I tend to wake everyone up when I do wake up and then it takes me forever to fall back to sleep.

I never know what I want, but you can bet I'll whine and complain about it until you figure it out.

Walking long distances is not my favorite.

I waddle everywhere I go, and tend to lose my balance when I bend over.

I am not happy about sharing. Anything. Especially food, blankets, and physical affection.

So what does this have to do with anything? Nothing. Just wanted you to know.

Six-Week Survival Mode

There I was again, in the small, one-windowed cement-bricked room, face to face with my mission president.

"Sister Burningham," he said to me, "You can survive anything for six weeks."

I was one week (or possibly less?) into a new transfer in a new area with a new companion. I'd just come from a place that felt like home and a companion that felt more like a best friend and sister than someone assigned to be with me 24/7.

Six weeks, I repeated in my mind. I can survive anything for six weeks. 

And so I did. I had no idea at the beginning of that transfer that survival mode is so much easier to bear when you are working hard, serving hard, and loving hard. My companion and I butted heads daily, but I came to love her for who she was and her unique gifts and talents. And before I knew it, transfers were upon us again and I gained a new companion. The weeks stretched into months, the months turned into spring and my Californian companion teaching me why 4/20 was now written all over our hippie-college-town area sidewalks. Within a week of that weird-smelling tracting day, I was sitting in my childhood bedroom, saying to myself once again, six weeks. 

Six weeks became fifteen, but I survived. Nine months until the end of my mission became 11, and Scott survived while I thrived.

I was home (for good) for six weeks when I gained a diamond ring and nine weeks later, a new name. As semesters, jobs, and challenges have come and gone, I've often repeated my mission president's words to myself. You can survive anything for six weeks.

Teething? Sleep-training? Husband's heavy workloads? Re-curring winter storms? Colds that won't go away? Meltdowns by the millions?  I can survive anything for six weeks.

Last Sunday, I hit 33 weeks of pregnancy, which means that I have only six weeks of this pregnancy left. Though pregnancy is definitely not easy, compared to my last two child-growing experiences, this one has been a piece of cake (maybe because this time I can actually have an occasional piece of cake). In the past two weeks, however, everything has gotten harder: sleeping, maintaining blood sugar control, managing anxiety, showing patience and charity to my children, telling myself to slow down and then forcing myself to ignore all the messes in my home and just let it be. I don't write this to complain--I write it to remember.

I write to remember the things and people that helped me survive:

• My two-year-old asking me to cuddle on the couch and then falling asleep in my arms, forcing me to snuggle, meditate, and enjoy the last of his true babyness before becoming a big brother forces him to grow up faster.
• My daughter replacing the toilet paper by herself, making me realize that although I may feel like a craptastic mother most of the time, I have at least taught her one human skill that most adults struggle with. 
• My husband, responding to my "I just can't deal anymore" email and working from home all afternoon, even though I know he gets so much more done in office. While I am slipping in and out of sleep, I hear him changing a poopy diaper in the next room while simultaneously making a work call. 
• And all the little things: packages with new baby goodies in the mail. Waking up to an email from a faraway friend. Not having trouble finding a babysitter to watch my kids during yet another doctor's appointment. Free insulin samples from my doctor. Realizing that I have more than enough prenatal vitamins to last through the end of this pregnancy. Making plans on the calendar for after the baby's due date. 

There is an end in sight. In six weeks, I will have survived the worst and hardest part of this pregnancy. 

And then, as I'm adjusting to three kids and a newborn schedule, I'll keep repeating the words to myself:

I can survive anything for six weeks.

A Bit About Me and Scotty

In honor of Valentine's Day, here's a bit of Q and A about my marriage.

Here's our Valentine's Day love story!

1. Anniversary? September 18
2. First date? July 23, 2004
3. How did you meet? At Especially For Youth (EFY, a kind of LDS Bible Camp) in 2003
4. What is your song? Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat
5. Do you remember the first movie you saw together? Ella Enchanted. It was a terrible movie.
6. First road trip together? Aside from drives back and forth from Sandy to Richmond, I think our first road trip together was to Vernal to the DinoTri, a triathlon he was competing in with his brother. We went with said brother, brother's wife, and three little girls. A few weeks later we went to Twin Falls with the same brother's family as well as Scott's parents. They'd gotten a hotel with 3 queen beds. Scott insisted on sleeping out in the mini van, which meant he left me to the mercy of his family. I haven't quite forgiven him for that yet.
7. Do you have kids? Yes- almost 3 little ones
8. Older? Him, by 11 days (but if you are talking gestational age, me, because I was 16 days overdue)
9. Who was interested first? I'm not really sure. Probably him.
10. Who is the most sensitive? I think we're about the same. He'll say me.
11. Worst temper? Me. Unless he hasn't had enough sleep, then definitely him.
12. Funniest? I think we're about the same. He makes me laugh everyday, but I do/say things that catch him off guard.
13. More social? Him. I think a lot of people would disagree with us, but I'm fine with being a homebody, he has to get out and have interaction with people. This is why he works in an office and not from home.
14. More stubborn? Me, unless he is fighting with our son, and then he can be super stubborn.
15. Wakes up first? Scott. Every day of our marriage. Except like, maybe, two days.
16. Has the bigger family? His, definitely. Once this baby comes, the total in his family will be 35. Mine, on the other hand, will be 13.
17. Eats the most? Me, no question. He puts up a good front, but I always have a bigger appetite and snack more.
18. Who said I love you first? Me, in an email sent right before I went back to Texas after my intermission.
19. Better cook? Probably me, but he is a pretty good cook too. I just get more chances to practice. Except right now, because I'm not a fan of cooking smells, so he gets plenty of chances to feed us. If our baby comes out looking or smelling like a taco, spaghetti, or breakfast foods, I won't be surprised.
20. Hogs the bed? Me, no question.
21. More romantic? Him.
22. How long have you been together? This is a confusing question. We've been friends for 13 and a half years, became more than that seven and a half years ago, and got married six and a half years ago. So, I'm not really sure, but probably forever.

He's pretty great. I think I'll keep him. 

8 Tips for Saving Money While Online Shopping

I hate shopping. Or, at least, I used to. Now I really relish those moments walking through WinCo by myself. Grocery shopping aside, I find that retail shopping can be really frustrating when I can’t find the things or sizes I need in the stores. I’m also not one for crowds. Hence, I’m super grateful for the advent of online shopping! I love taking a few minutes here and there to do some “Chrome Window Shopping.”

One of the things I love about online shopping is how easy it is to save money! Here are some of my favorite ways to save a buck or two online.

This post is also featured on Fruitland Home.

1.       Sign up for Ebates. If you do a lot of online shopping and don’t currently use ebates, you should really check this out! My husband introduced me to ebates in December and since then we’ve already gotten three checks back in the mail! Ebates gives you automatic cash back when shopping online. All you have to do is sign into the Ebates website and then search for whatever store you want to shop. Cashback bonuses vary by day—sometimes you can get up to 8% cash back on purchases you are already making! You also earn cash just by referring people…so sign up and then send the sign up link to your husband and add a few bucks to your fun fund. Checks are sent in the mail quarterly. It’s not much, but enough to pay for a babysitter or a dinner you don’t have to cook!

2.       Let Honey Do the Coupon Hunting. Honey is Google’s personal coupon clipper. When you sign up for honey, you can add a button to your toolbar and when you go to check out, honey will automatically (try) to apply any coupon codes it can find. It only takes a few minutes but it can save you a few bucks here and there! The more you use honey, the more you can build up HoneyGold, which only translates into more spending money for you on Amazon.

3.       Use Credit Card Rewards. Chances are, if you are shopping online, you are probably using a credit card. I like to bank up my rewards and save them until Christmas rolls around. I cash in rewards for gift cards to places like Shutterfly (which is where I do a heck of a lot of Christmas shopping). I only redeem these points for rewards that give me a little extra, for example I’d turn in $20 worth of rewards for $25, or $40 for $50, etc. This gives me extra back for my rewards, rather than just using them for face value on Amazon.

4.       Check out Gift Card Zen or Gift Card Granny Say you are ordering clothes for your kids (cough*or yourself*cough) and even though you’ve gotten some great deals with coupon codes, you’d still like to save a bit more. Sites like Gift Card Zen or Gift Card Granny allow you to search for gift cards that are being sold for less than they are worth (for example, a $25 gift card for $21). It might not seem like much, but every dollar helps, right? You can search for gift cards that are sent electronically (read: automatically!) so that you can search for an amount that is close to your cart total, so you aren’t spending extra on gift cards that are more than you really need.

5.       Sign Up for Email lists. We all hate junk email, I get that. BUT, companies really like to send out specialized coupons to your inbox that can alert you to sales you may not have heard about otherwise. That being said…

6.       Don’t Look at Ads for Things You Don’t Need. This is how they get you! You look through an ad, see a really good deal, and then talk yourself into needing that thing that you didn’t know you needed ten minutes ago. My suggestion is to keep a running list of things that you do need or anticipate buying in the next six months and only look at ads that pertain to those things.

7.       Watch out for Shipping Costs! Most companies will give you free shipping if you spend a certain amount. If you are within $10-15 of that amount, sometimes it is worth it to order an extra item or two to give you the free shipping. It’s simply a matter of weighing the cost of shipping versus the cost of the extra items. I find this to be especially true with stores like Shutterfly, where the shipping costs can get astronomical.

8.       IF you are a Book Lover…it wouldn’t be a post by me without mentioning something about books, right? I used to be a strictly-printed-books-only person…and then my husband gave me a kindle for my birthday. I love not having to run to the library every time I finish a book! The Goodreads app has a feature where you can sign up to receive daily emails for books that are on sale through the Kindle Store or Google Play. These books are always $3 or less, and they look at books on your Want-to-Read list to give you recommendations. Score, right? Another similar service is BookBub, which also searches for free books (can’t get better than free, right?). Even though I still maintain that nothing beats a book you can hold in your hand, it’s nice to have some books on my phone to pull up while I’m waiting to pick my daughter up from preschool!

What are your favorite money-saving tips for online shopping?

To My Daughter, on Women's March Day

Dear Daughter,

Today, you are oblivious. You don't know that there are marches taking place all across our country--all across the world, actually. I haven't been able to tell if these are protests or rallies. There is a difference. If these women are marching for something, then I hope you know I would join them. However, if all they are doing is marching against the things they see wrong with our world, then, you know, I'm happy that I chose to spend my day as I did.

Your brother woke me up early. Daddy and I took one hour shifts from about 6 am to 9:30 am, alternately playing with you and feeding you and catching a few extra Zzz's (we can't seem to get enough these days). Daddy took you to run some errands while I played with your little brother in between cleaning out closets, doing laundry, and picking up the millions of toys that seem to be scattered everywhere. This was followed by lunch and your parents cutting holes in a huge cardboard box to entertain you and your brother while we lounged and watched basketball (or, in my case, read a book).

We haven't had a day this quiet in months. It occurred to me, as I was painting your little nails pink and we were waiting for cookies to come out of the oven, that if I were going to fight for something, this is what I would fight for. The right for us to be a family, to have a peaceful day, to know that we are where we want to be, doing what we want to be doing.

I can't really tell, but I think--I think-- that is what the women who are "marching" with their posters and signs and flags are trying to fight for. That is what I hope anyway.

You don't know, but I watch. I watch what goes on outside of our home. I keep up on the news. I don't say much, but I do have opinions. I hope you know that. I would like to consider myself a feminist, but I feel that word has gotten so skewed that it isn't really about being feminine at all anymore.

Lately, you've struggled with wondering why sometimes your brother gets different things than you, like why he gets to sit on my lap or has an extra snack while you are in preschool. To you, equality means everyone gets the same things. The women marching today want that too. The want everyone to get exactly the same thing.  As your father and I have tried to explain to you, that just isn't how life works. Things that you see as unfair, like your brother getting an extra bath or cuddle, aren't really unfair at all. He would love to have his fingernails painted, but that isn't going to happen for him. Your father and I want your needs to be taken care of equally--and rarely will that mean you both get the exact same things.

People today often confuse "Equal Rights" with "Civil Rights." They aren't the same thing at all. You have a civil right to be fed, clothed, and sheltered. So does your brother. But he wouldn't want to wear pink tutus all day, and you could care less about having a soccer ball on your shirt. Life doesn't always have to be equal to be fair.

In your lifetime, you will see real inequality. I hope not, but chances are you will experience inequality. What I want you to remember, however, is that equal isn't always fair. I hope that I can teach you to give what you can, whether that be your time, your money, or your talents, to help those that need your help. I hope I can teach you to fight for what you believe in. I pray daily that I won't break your strong spirit--and that your strong spirit won't break me.

There are so many wonderful things about being feminine. Sparkly skirts, lip gloss, and tiaras make life magical for you now, but sweetheart, that's just the beginning. There is so much more to being a woman than what you see on TV.

There is strength, but also tenderness.
There is determination, but also compassion.
There is nurturing, loving, serving, empathizing.

You are more than a paycheck, and so am I. That's why I'm okay with not having one. The world might not see a whole lot of worth in me--considering I make nothing, I have no titles or accolates, and most life insurance companies won't give me a policy--but I KNOW and I hope you know, that I am priceless. My career is the one I choose, and I choose to be with you. I don't always enjoy it, but I do always love you.

You remind me almost hourly that our baby is making me bigger. My first instinct is to be hurt or mad, but then I remember the fact that my body is growing a human being, and I just smile and nod. I am getting bigger, and caring for a baby (unborn or born) is the most feminine thing a woman can do, and something I certainly hope you get the opportunity to experience.

My little love, I hope you are always proud to be a woman, but I hope you are proud in the right ways. You don't need to be marching on capitol hill. You can be proud to be a woman as you sneak another cookie and wipe another runny nose. You don't have to prove anything to anyone--just prove your worth to yourself and you will find the peace and happiness that others are screaming for.

All my love,
Mommy

A Bit about the Sibs

I have seen this little diddy going around facebook and I wanted to write down my answers. I have two brothers and one sister and they pretty much make me laugh harder than anybody. Except maybe my son, and maybe my husband. So here's a little glimpse into my family background. 

1. Who's the smart one? 
Used to be me, then I had kids. 

2. Who is spoiled?
Flan. No question.

3. Most sensitive?
Liz. 

4. Best driver?
Probably Flan. 

5. More social?
Liz is the most social out of all of us. The rest of us prefer an evening at home and not to deal with people (most of the time).

6. Most stubborn?
Um, we're all pretty stubborn. But probably Liz.

7. Who's the favorite?
Flan. Because we all like him most.

8. Who's liable to fight anyone?
Liz.

9. Who's a better singer?
Liz or Flan. Ben and I...well, singing is not our forte.

10. Better cook?
Probably me, unless you are talking about cooking on a grill, and then Ben wins.

11. Clothes And Shoe Hoarder?
Liz. Or Flan. 

12. Who wears the most Hats?
Flan. 

13. Who was the worst kid?
Ben.

14. Who has the biggest house?
Probably me, although Ben's house is a similar size.

15. Who was born 1st?
Ben.

16. Who is better at sports?
Well, Ben played college football...but Flan still beats him at pretty much every other sport, so...Flan.

17. Best Hair?
Liz. Or Flan. Ben and I lost that contest.
.
 19. Coffee Drinker?
Um, none of us. Yuck.

20. Most expensive taste?
Flan or Ben. 

21. Tallest?
Once again, Flan. I'm really not winning at any of these, am I?

22. Biggest Disney fanatic? Me. Okay, this one I can win.

24. Broken the most bones? Probably a tie. Ben has broken his thumbs many times, but he never saw a doctor about it, so it doesn't count. I broke my arm. Liz fractured her face. Flan's had the most stitches, but I'm not sure he's had any broken bones. 

25. Who will have the most grandkids?
Considering that my kids are half Fowlers, I'd probably say me. Who knows at this point though!

January Journaling

In an attempt to keep myself more accountable to "keeping a record" of my daily life, I have decided to try and do a journaling blog post every month this year. I'll take five questions (aka journaling prompts) and spend some time writing out my answers. So, here it goes for January.

1. What is your number one goal this year?

My number one goal this year is to celebrate and enjoy the little moments. I have so many things to look forward to (cuddling a new baby, a family trip to one of my favorite historical sites on the planet, my oldest starting kindergarten), and some scary things I might not be looking forward to (my third trimester, turning 30, potty training my son). I'm trying to find the little joys and let go of my fears, frustrations, and worries. This is easier said than done. I want to remember this year as being a joyful one, full of lots of things to celebrate. 

2. What is your best memory of last year?

I don't really know that I can pick just one. We had so many wonderful moments last year! I think one of my very favorite moments was walking in Texas with my sweetheart. I'd been waiting 8+ years for that dream to come true.

3. What is your favorite thing to drink?

Currently, I crave hot chocolate. I try not to drink a lot of it because, carbohydrates. My close second is OceanSpray's diet Cran-Pineapple juice,  2 carbs and so much deliciousness per serving. My whole family is addicted, which means I can't get it out unless I'm willing to share half the bottle with my children. I'm not a fan of sharing my juice. 

4. How much time did you spend at the grocery store the last time you went? 

I went yesterday, two kids in tow. It takes us an average of 40 minutes; yesterday I think it was closer to an hour, since we had to pick out Valentine's for Kevin's preschool class. I am both faster and slower when I shop by myself--it is more convenient, by far, but then I also make an extra loop around the store because alone time. The kids do pretty well for the most part, as long as Sly is buckled into the cart! 

5. Who was the last person to tell you they loved you?

Sly. Every so often he will just pause and say, "Mommy, I wuv you." I love it. I do the same to him, and his sister. I don't want them to forget. Also, sometimes I have to remind myself that I do love them. Charity is tricky.

This month I took my questions from this handy pin on pinterest. Take a look if you want to join me on  similar journey. I am hoping to do these posts a couple of times a month, but I'm not promising anything.