Before I was a mother. Did those days exist? Before I was a mother. Hmm,
Before I was a mother, I used to play the "someday" game: Someday I will get married. Someday I will publish a book. Someday I'll be finished with school. Someday I'll travel the world. Someday I'll have children. Someday...
The antonym, or opposite, of "someday" is never. "Never" is not a game mothers are allowed to play. Once there is a fuzzy gray bean on that ultrasound machine screen, or even two pink lines on that plastic stick, you are a mother and you will be one forever, regardless of what happens to that bean. A mother carries a child for longer than nine months--a mother carries a child in her heart forever.
Sometimes I catch myself playing the "once upon a time" game. The "once upon a time" game propels me to the past, just as the "someday game" ponders on the future. Once upon a time my brain functioned. Once upon a time I could recall lyrics to more than just Disney movies and PBS kid shows. Once upon a time, I showered every day. Once upon a time I got butterflies when I saw his name on the caller ID...
...actually that last one is a "right now" game. I'm lucky that way.
So I guess this is what it boils down to: in the past, I was inspired by the future. In the future, I'm inspired by the past (aka, someday my brain will work again!). In the present, I should spend a little less time daydreaming and a little more time living the dream.
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