Motherhood Monologues #3: Engage

I think the activities and people that "drain" me the most are the ones with which I don't feel I have a lot of control. Negotiations with my small children can definitely leave me feeling that way, as can online encounters where my beliefs and opinions are belittled. People that make me feel as if I have to explain my every move and decision can also deplete my inner batteries and leave me feeling less than I am. Most often, those activities that I allow myself to engage in within my own head are the most draining ones of all: comparing myself to other women, thinking about what I don't have instead of being grateful for what I do, making rash judgements about others, justifying bad or unkind decisions, talking down my strengths and magnifying my weaknesses.

I think any time we engage with any person or activity we give away pieces of ourselves, and that can definitely deflate us, but it can also help us renew ourselves. The trick is to place our own limits and build our own walls. Sometimes this means blocking someone on social media, other times it means learning to say "no" when we truly should not extend ourselves that far.

A few years ago I did a personal experiment. For one entire year, I made it a goal to say yes whenever I was asked to serve someone. Rarely did this deflate me. Instead, I found that I gained friends and blessings I would not have otherwise experienced.

This year, I have tried to disengage from pointless arguments. Sure, this sometimes leaves me feeling as if my thoughts and opinions haven't been represented, but usually it keeps me from feeling negative emotions toward others and myself. Mostly I have started cutting myself some slack and giving myself room to spend time on those things that renew me without feeling guilty. I have picked up some new hobbies and skills, spent more time outside pushing my children on the swings while ignoring the weeds, stayed up late to finish a book, I am already starting to tell the difference between quiet time that truly has been wasted and quiet time that has given me a rest and allowed me to push forward.